Friday, August 21, 2009

Those Who Were Severed - Prologues

I've been wrestling with this massive story for a while.  It's a graphic novel.  I have three pending prologues and I'm not sure which I like.  They're in script form--sorry.  Behold:

MANDAH is fleeing from a burning shed, a baby in her arms.  CREVAN and his FATHER are taking shelter from the rain.  CREVAN sees the woman and runs to her.  She collapses just before reaching him.  CREVAN takes the child and MANDAH mutters "Kah-reh..."  MANDAH is dead before the FATHER reaches her, so the FATHER takes the baby as his own.

Scene opens to a small room lit by two candles.  A storm can be seen and heard through the window.

KYROS happily holds KAYRNA in the air.

KYROS (gushing): Look at her!  She's so beautiful, Mandah.
MANDAH, looking very uneasy: I suppose...
KYROS frowns and lowers KAYRNA.  He moves closer to MANDAH.
KYROS (worriedly): Mandah, what is wrong?

A crack of lightening flashes by the window as MANDAH speaks.

MANDAH, first aggressively, and then sadly: SHE (pointing toward the door) was innocent like this, once, and look at all the harm she has caused...
KYROS: You think our daughter will--
MANDAH: We have no way of knowing, Kyros.  
KYROS: But we will be raising her, my love.  We are good people.
MANDAH: Will we?  What of your wife?
KYROS: I'm...I'm trying to--

KYROS, defeated, looks away sadly.
MANDAH smiles and reaches for KAYRNA.  She holds her above her head and stares into her green eyes.

MANDAH, quietly: What will you become?

MANDAH: Tell me: what is fear, Kyros?
KYROS, frowning, looks away.  There is a long pause.
KYROS: Well, fear is--
MANDAH: I'll tell you what FEAR is.  It's your WIFE finding out about our daughter.  It's the destruction she will cause because of this single child.  It's being so uncertain for what is in her future--and not being able to see what she will become.  It's the possibility that our precious Kayrna will become just like her--just like your WIFE.
KYROS reaches for the crying MANDAH.
KYROS: Wife is just a title.  You are my love.
MANDAH: Until she executes me.
KYROS: Mandah, that--
MANDAH: Be realistic, Kyros.  We cannot hide her forever.
There is another long pause.
MANDAH, holding the baby high in the air: Oh child, what will you become...

I would looooove some feedback.  But no one knows this place exists hehehe.  Yet.  Or so I hope.